So far, I have been feeling justified when I have had pain or fatigue that is considered “normal” in pregnancy. When my husband (inevitably) does not understand the effect of the pain, the fatigue and the ongoing nights of no more than one or two hours of sleep at a time, I feel ok to say it is a pregnancy thing.
But I imagine, the fact that, at 33 weeks I am struggling so much has to be a combination of my chronic fatigue, fibromyalgia and my pregnancy. My back is so sore that I can’t sit for long periods of time (read: more than 10 minutes). I am so fatigued and frazzled that I am finding it hard to regulate my emotions. My feet, legs, glutes, back, shoulders and neck are so sore that I burst into tears at times – something I have managed to keep mostly hidden from the people around me.
Even things that are “normal” for pregnant people or “normal” for my previous life and preferences are hard for my husband, in particular, to understand. Why don’t I love having several people over for dinner (when I am spending the whole preparation time trying to stand from side to side to give my feet or glutes a break and when I am spending the whole time they are there trying not to cry from having to sit up and desperately wishing for bed)? Why don’t I love going out after 7pm at night (with the same conditions as above)?
That’s been a real culture shock in adjusting to marriage. Previously, I would go out once or twice a week in the evenings. As a pregnant woman I would prefer never to be out after 5pm! I would prefer to work, rest, walk the dog, cook dinner, have a bath and then lie on the couch with a book or the TV. Whereas my husband loves to go out and have people over (and his family and friends tend to eat dinner between 8 and 9pm!).
Despite the consistent pain and fatigue, I am managing to find joy in my baby and his movements. We have put up the cot and change table and his room is starting to take shape! I am shifting from reading about pregnancy to reading about having a baby, but I actually think I might switch to non-baby related books altogether – my brain needs a break!
You would be forgiven if you think this sounds a little negative, but to write this down actually goes a little way towards helping me cope.
Seven weeks to go!