I got a bit lost.
It started with visiting a naturopath who claimed I’d be pain-free after six weeks of taking a mix of “tonics” that basically consisted of calcium, iron and magnesium. And, although these are things that are useful for me, they didn’t contribute to any improvement.
Unfazed, she prescribed another six supplements to take for my cure. So I am currently taking several tablets at every meal.
This has cost a lot of money.
Concurrently, my new physiotherapist has posited a theory that my pain is caused by my shoulder.
My little heart has been on a roller coaster. I have become quite sad, wishing with all my heart that the diagnosis of fibromyalgia was incorrect, that I can be fixed with supplements or an injury can be found and fixed.
I have struggled even more with the pain. And the fatigue.
I have been grieving daily about the lack of energy I have for my boy. That travel is more scary than exciting. That work is a big, scary monster to take me away from my boy and decrease my energy levels and increase my pain. That I can’t fathom another child or do all the things my husband would love to do.
I feel like I’m letting myself down and my husband and baby. By not being well.
This week I’ve been looking after a couple of school aged children and it’s frightened me how quickly they impacted my fatigue levels. On the first afternoon my fatigue dramatically increased. I’ve had such a sore neck, despite a physio session on Saturday, that I’ve had headaches for three days. My neck’s been so sore that I am struggling to fall asleep. I’ve taken medicine two days in a row, and I hate taking it.
So I haven’t written. Because how can you give tips to cope when you’re only just scraping by?